PROGRAMS
Convening 2026
If you serve the Jewish community, chances are your members will face mortality: someone else’s or their own. Are you ready to support them Jewishly?
Shomer Collective Convening 2025
Recording:
About the Convening:
The Shomer Collective Convening is a once-yearly virtual gathering of the Jewish end-of-life field. We convene from across the country, across dozens of disciplines. It takes many hands to do the sacred work being done at the intersection of Jewish life and end of life.
This year's Convening included two powerful keynotes. Sarah Wildman, a journalist and author presented on the gaps and shortcoming experienced by her family during a battle with a fatal cancer faced by her daughter, Orli. Next, Rev. Dr. Dylan Thomas Doyle presented on the ever-changing state of artificial intelligence in the grief landscape.
Thank you to our Convening Sponsors:
Shomer Collective Convening 2023
Recording:
From the Blog:
‘There are no words’, we’ve heard too often of late. And yet Jewish wisdom, and contemporary psychology, and poetry, and song – offer us plenty of words for times like these. Rabbi Earl Grollman, of blessed memory, a master of consolation in a time before grief specialists, wrote, “In times of crisis, silence is not golden.” We need to probe the cliche “there are no words,” to reconcile it with the reality that there are many, many prescribed words, a whole Jewish language used for death, dying, and grief.
In Pirkei Avot, Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar taught, “Do not console a person while their deceased is laying in front of them. (Pirkei Avot 4:18) Indeed, Jewish law instructs that the time of mourning begins from after the burial of the dead. Our obligation to console mourners begins only once burial has taken place. How are we to behave toward one who has suffered the death of someone close to them before the funeral has taken place? What are our responsibilities in this liminal moment?
The concept of the “ring theory” might be helpful. The ring theory teaches the idea of “comfort in, and dump out,” meaning, put the person or people at the center of a crisis or death in a circle, surrounded by concentric circles, layers of support, one circle after another at a greater remove from the crisis or death. When the crisis occurs, it is the responsibility of the people in the circle immediately next to the center to prioritize the needs of those in the center. They then can turn outward, to the next largest circle, to seek their own support – comfort in, meaning provide support to those closer to the center, and dump out, meaning look to people at an even greater remove for your own support.
While Pirkei Avot instructs us not to offer consolation to the people in the center until their dead are buried, we can still offer practical support, such as help arranging the funeral and burial, and responding to other emergent needs, such as childcare, preparing the house for shiva, and more.
Once it is time to console mourners, Jewish tradition offers guidance. When we make a visit to a shiva home, it is customary not to speak to the mourner until they have spoken first. We enter in silence and we sit in silence until it is broken by the mourner. When we leave a shiva home, it is traditional to say the words, hamakom yinachem… may you be comforted among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem, recognizing that mourning is not a solitary experience. “May their memory be for a blessing,” we say when recalling one who has died, zichronam livracha. “Min hashamayim tenuchamu,” may you be comforted from the heavens, said by Sephardic Jews. “Mishtatfim b’tzaarchem,” we join in your sorrow, said in present-day Israel. “Baruch dayan ha’emet,” blessed is the judge of truth, said upon hearing the news of a death or at the time of rending one’s garment as a mourner. Plenty of words exist to try to speak to the shock of death.
And yet the Torah teaches that after the deaths of his sons Nadav and Avihu, who brought strange fire, an unsolicited offering before God, Aaron was silent. “Vayidom Aharon.” Psychologists suggest that silence is a trauma response.
We have seen this trauma response on full display in the last three weeks. Referring to the horrors of October 7th, Rachel Ettun, founder of the Israeli spiritual care organization Haverut, writes, “It is time to listen carefully to this frightening silence, as if collecting shattered letters from the ground, searching for words to describe the thoughts, the emotions , the feelings. It will take time to create a new language…..”
How might we find our own words to respond to this moment in history? What will it take for us to move through the silence into the change and transformation needed to attend to the crises facing our communities?
I humbly offer these questions as a challenge to the idea that there are no words, with the faith that in time, each of us will move through the times that call for silence into the language and action needed to speak to these moments.
Source Sheets and References:
Shomer Collective Convening 2022
Recording:
From the Blog:
What does it look like when rabbis of all denominations, chaplains, end-of-life doulas, Jewish educators, funeral directors, lawyers, professional organizers, chevra kadisha members, healthcare professionals, spiritual directors, foundation professionals, social workers, grief counselors, cemetery directors, mental health professionals, lay leaders, and more – nearly 250 people from 27 states and 3 countries join together for an online convening dedicated to improving end of life care and conversations in Jewish communities? It felt like a taste of Eden. On Rosh Hodesh Heshvan 2022, we gathered for half a day by zoom for the inaugural convening of Shomer Collective. Given the breadth of types of professionals and volunteers, along with the geographic reach of the group, it was evident that professionals who work at the intersection of Jewish life and end of life are eager for connection and collaboration.
The group who gathered have much in common, despite our varying education and training. Many of us are drawn to this work because of our own experiences of having loved and having lost; this is a vital piece of understanding the motivation of professionals who want to help others to live well in the face of mortality, supported by Jewish wisdom and tradition. Through this initial reflection, we validated our assumption that there is no shortage of professionals, volunteers, and funders who also understand these unmet needs. We can create change in this arena; by normalizing conversations about death and dying, guided by Jewish wisdom, we can and will reduce the amount and intensity of crises in our communities.
At the heart of the convening, Ari Wallch, a futurist and co-founder of “The Great Schlep With Sarah Silverman” brought his Longpath mindset to the captivated audience, urging professionals to imagine a better future. In his recently published book, Wallach writes, “we want to acknowledge death so we can live in alignment with what we care about, so that the impact of our life reverberates in space, and most important, in time. You Only Live Once changes to Your Life is Bigger Than You.”
How might we apply this mindset to the work of improving end of life care and conversations in Jewish communities? When making change, the conventional wisdom is to find others who care about the issue. Through both purposefully and serendipitously designed small group experiences during the convening, creating opportunities for meetings that would be unlikely to happen elsewhere, participants used their cross-disciplinary backgrounds to look at key moments in the life cycle and places in Jewish communities where change can happen. They shared, “We need to emphasize LIFE as a way in to talking about death.”
Many professionals fell into the “grief” category, beyond the traditional social worker or rabbi such as technology entrepreneurs creating apps to serve people in their grief, professionals from a variety of backgrounds who function as grief coaches, and community organizers who bring grievers together in community. An emerging group also included end of life doulas. For families who are not affiliated with a synagogue or whose loved one is not in an acute healthcare setting with access to chaplains, end of life doulas may provide the kind of support needed – to sit vigil, to accompany the dying and their loved ones on the journey from end of life through death.
Featured in between the keynote and opportunities for networking were emerging partnerships highlighted as models for collaboration, such as the yet-to-be-launched end of life ritual platform from the founders of haggadot.com: a website where people preparing for their own or others’ deaths, and people remembering their beloved dead will encounter accessible resources and easily-adaptable, personalizable Jewish rituals. Another collaboration elevated the work of the Blue Dove Foundation, and its development of resource guides about how to support individuals and communities through traumatic deaths, such as those of suicide, violence, and natural disaster, to be disseminated through workshops and in thought leadership writing in a variety of settings. A third collaboration was What Matters: Caring Conversations About End of Life program, originated at the Marlene Meyerson JCC in Manhattan, which brings Jewishly inflected advance care planning to a national audience through its recent merge with Shomer Collective, enabling individuals to to think about, plan for, and take steps to ensure that when the time comes, their end-of-life wishes will be respected and honored. These collaborations in the ritual, grief and mental health, and advance care planning space are poised to have tremendous impact on Jewish communities, through the participation of those in attendance at the convening and beyond.
In thinking about how to harness the energy and excitement created by the convening, “starting with younger generations is very important,” reflected one funder, recognizing the potential in bringing conversations about death and about life to the young adults who are the focus of many large foundation-funded Jewish engagement efforts. The work of helping people to live well in the face of mortality, guided by Jewish wisdom need not be focused solely on older adult programming; the experiences of loved ones dying happen throughout all life stages.
The growing recognition of the need to do better around end of life in Jewish communities is shared by both professionals and funders, pointing to the incredible potential emerging from the Eden of this convening. We are heartened to see the change already taking place on the local level and are eager to help lead the charge, as we continue to improve the ways people in our Jewish communities confront dying in ways that help to improve living. If this topic is one of interest to you, please reach out to join our work.